Pls read blog 3, "Clawed and Mauled first"
Kya hua bhai, Aapke CAT ka?
(A question I have heard so many times, I guess I had to put this up. It's true that when you don't do well in an exam, everybody asks you about it. Sometimes, it's better to write than to speak,.Now, I realize why they say the pen is mighty).
The journey started in the hot, lazy holidays of the month of May. A friend told me that his institute is conducting a free for all Mock test on Cat. I told him I was very busy doing nothing, but he insisted. So, I agreed to take it. That was the 18th of May. The paper seemed fun to me, and my result was even more encouraging. So, I went ahead and took up the mock test series. And so began my foray into the CAT.
Mocks were fun. Though I had to wake up early on sundays too, I used to compensate on that by sleeping late on the other 6 days of the week. But, I truly enjoyed the mocks, they were worth the money. Things were smooth till september, when I I had gone abroad for a few weeks.
After returning, in October mocks were a bit shaky, but I wasn't worried. I felt I'd iron out any creases.
Then came Nov 16th (refer blog 3 for a live show)
I shall continue from blog 3 now.
According to the answer key from various institutes, I was expecting around 98 %ile, which seemed pretty bad to me, cos I would be missing the overall cutoffs for the IIMs by only a few marks, ( a matter of 1 or 2 questions.)
So, I was feeling pretty dejected, and cursing myself over the blunders I made. When you feel you are this close, and you can't go ahead it's bad. Sometimes I even used to look skywards and say, "What's going on?"
Being an optimist, I still had a hope, that the IIM key might be different, then my marks would increase and perhaps I could get a call or two. I had been clinging on to this hope, for the past 6 weeks.
Fast forward to
January 8th, 9pm
Only a few hours before the cat would be out. My friend tells me that the IIMs have released their key, and that there are a few differences in it as compared with the institute ones. He said some students even had an increase of upto 20 marks. I jokingly told him, a 20 marks increase for some, would also mean a decrease for some. I couldn't find my paper to tally with the answer key. I wasn't tensed cos I felt that I had nothing to loose. I was sure that things couldn't go any worse. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, and in my case it had struck on Nov 16th. Saying that to myself, I went to sleep.
When the event befalleth
There is no denying that it will befall
(Many) will it bring low; (many) will it exalt;
(Al-Quran 56:1-3)
January 9th
7am
A friend calls and says, results are out. Still half asleep, I didnt want to go to my computer, so lying on my bed I checked the result on my phone.
I was mortified with what I saw,
there was a 20 marks deficit between my calculated total, and the one in the result. Convinced that it was only a bad dream, I went to sleep. (Others would have jumped out of their skins).
MY phone starts ringing, with calls from friends. I switch it to silent mode, and pull my blanket over me. I didn't want to speak to anyone, not now.
I was supposed to be at college for some event, but how could I go, with friends bombarding me on the CAT, it wouldn't have been wise for me to go.
I wake up at 11, and check the result on my computer again, it still shows figures which seem fried. That's it, I say to myself.
I was thinking that things couldn't go worse, that a 98 %ile is bad enough, but now, loosing 20 more marks. My worse seemed to have no limits.
But, the worse was yet to come. A castigation from my parents, was all I needed to complete my day. And the bombardment came, with no cease-fire.
To start with, my dad gave me a castigating lecture for 5 minutes,
Five minutes might seem a short time, but when it comes from someone, 5,000 kms away, it gets multiplied that many times.
So, holding the phone receiver to my ear, with him on the other end, was more like holding a revolver to my head, and him firing away.
Dishoom, Dishoom
(toh I know Pepsodent ka kaam hai.)
If there is one person who I never want to disappoint, it's my dad. Unfortunately, I have disappointed him more times than I can count. I hope I make him proud one day.
So, after that bombardment, which would have been enough to bring Satan to his knees, I go back to my room and.......
go to sleep.
If all that wasn't enough, at dinner time my mom started with her bit. There is a difference in
the way my parents chastize you. My dad is more direct, more to the heart, a bit like surgical strikes, my mom though leaves nothing, like carpet bombing. It's difficult to swallow food, when you are under attack, so I leave my plate and go.
So, after being battered, bruised I lay in my bunker ( my room). I always get scolded by mom, happens everyday; but this was different. This time I knew, I had done something wrong.
I read in the paper about students commiting suicides cos they were chided by their mom or dad. I used to find it amusing.
But, now I felt the pain, I realised why people take the extreme step. I wondered how they felt taking the extreme step. Slashing one's wrist with one slice of a knife. I lay on my bed thinking about it all. I felt dejected, depressed, crestfallen, dispirited, downcast........
The clock strikes 12, "This is it", I say to myself, "I can't take it anymore, Time to end this" and get up from my bed. I go to my mom's room, make sure she is asleep,
then go see my brother, who is snoring away.
It's time now, I say to myself.
Time to put an end to my desires.
Time to end my cravings
I go into the kitchen to pick up a knife,
look at my left wrist.
take off the watch.
I see the light reflecting off the knife,
it's now or never I say to myself.
I peep for the last time in my mom's room.
I wanted to say sorry from the bottom of my heart.
I move away, from her room afraid I'd wake her up and she'd catch me.
It will all be over soon I say as I carry the knife.
I maybe a coward, I say to myself, but I can't help it.
I pick up the knife
and
in a quick slice..
cut the bread to make myself a sandwich.
Leaving dinner left me hungry. Hunger is a desire. So, after a midnight snack, and clearing the scene of the crime, I again go back to sleep.
People tell me that "Whatever happens, happens for the best and God has something better in store for you"
It's true, but what's better than the IIMs?
IIPM!!!!
And irony is, I used to say the above two sentences to my friends only a few months ago,
Now, I am at the receiving end.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago, though not so severe.
Today, I look back at that incident with a smile and say that "I am glad it happened, for it really did occur for my good"
Maybe a few years later, I will look back at CAT-08 and say, "I am glad it happened, for it really did occur for my good"
That's life, that's my faith.
One good thing is that, my career options are narrowing down now, ( among the two mentioned in blog 3, I am edging towards the first one; the new vehicles come with auto-start, I won't have to pull the stick)
A few lessons I learnt,
1)My dad used to tell me that if you are alone, but God is on your side, then nothing can stop you from your goal.
I learnt the inverse of that statement.
If God isn't on your side, then no matter how much you try you won't reach your goal.
(is that an inverse or a converse??)
2) If someone doesn't do well in an exam, it may not be cos he is not good. It could also be that his best has been saved his for last.
3) There is never a situation which can't go worse. Always thank the Almighty for whatever you have, cos if you don't, He can take that away too, and bring you lower.
Dedicated to:-
1) Touseef, the guy with 5 IIM calls,
You are an inspiration for us.
99.75%ile kate. Sharam karo,
2) Yash,
who said " agar IIM-K,L,I se calls aae to nahi attend kartu, A,B,C se aae to sonchtu"
sharam naam ki cheez rehti Yash, yaha logan marre.
3) Vinay who said " You know you have it in you, I know I have it in me....just tht it didnt come this time, God will give us our share of luck somewhere... so nothing is far"
You are a gem of a person dude.
And to all those whose calls I didn't attend on Friday......................
Thank me, cos I saved you a rupee.
The most important thing to be learnt from the above is.........
When you are lazing around on a holiday and someone tells you to take some test or start something new.
ignore him and enjoy your day.
Note:-This wasn't written to gain any sympathy or empathy or antipathy.
It was only an answer as to What went Wrong?
So, what went wrong?
Answer:- I don't know, neither do I intend on finding out.
(Signing off by saying, "Pls pray for the Palestinians, and then for me too")
