Clawed and Mauled!!

(16 November)

"Utho, exam ko bhi late jaate, 8:15 hore"

"Ahmeeeed!, nahi likhre CAT?"

That was my mom screaming.

I get off my bed, still squinting, I say to myself

'Yaar cat bhi aaj hi rehna tha, sunday hai aur itna achha mausam hai"

My cat center was at quite a distance from my home, so I had to start early, not to mention that I didn't take the pains to go see it earlier.

I glanced through my phone inbox, my good friends wishing me luck. One message caught my eye, as it said "Drink milk and go for cat".

Ya, right, after a lightning quick breakfast, I was out of home by 8:45. 

Now, was the moment of truth, even bigger than CAT itself. 

Zipping up my jacket, (it was a pretty cold morning), I stepped up, the task at hand would not be easy I told myself.  

(refer blog 1)

"Auto, Tarnaka!" I shouted at the half awake man. 

Surprisingly, he said 'Yes'

I was elated, this was easier than it seemed (refer blog 1) 

The weather being cold, I tried not to fall asleep on the way, (not easy with the auto rocking on the roads).

After 30 mins, of moving through unfamiliar territory, asking our way around, I miraculously reached my exam center.

Still feeling sleepy, I stepped into a cafe, to get myself a cup of tea. Not surprisingly, there were dozens of people there, who had come to see the CAT. I struck a conversation with my neighbour. He said he took coaching at some xyz institute., and asked me where I did so. I told him I just took up a mock test series, and no coaching. This was his 2nd attempt, I asked him how the first time was and he replied "Oh, it was bad, it was bad"

Ya, right I said to myself, sipping tea. Suddenly, some moron gave me a jerk and I spilled the tea all over my shirt. 

Cursing him under my breath, I moved out.

9:30, the gates opened and we were allowed into the exam center. As the stream of test takers marched on, I saw that the stream split into two. Curious, were the others seemed to be going, I went with them. Had they found the answer key to the paper, were the questions being leaked?

Then, I came to know that it was not the questions that were leaked, but they needed a leak. They were all going to the toilet!! So, much for my treasure hunt. I heard visiting a temple or place of worship, before the exam might bring success, but visiting a toilet? this was something new.

Exam started at 10:30, paper seemed fine. As I went about solving the questions, I knew there were people around me, whom one would call geniuses or (phodus in desi). I knew that the 99+ percentiler could very well be in my room, I knew that he would be thinking of the iim calls that he would be getting. He would be counting them on his fingers, ( IIM-A, index finger, IIM-B middle finger and so on.......)

I was doin the same, but I was counting only on my little finger, the only call in my mind was the call of nature. The cold weather was getting to me. Now, I knew why visiting the toilet before the exam was worth it.

After the exam, things seemed the usual, it didn't seem that bad. Again, the stream of humanity divided into two, one moving out, one moving to the toilets. On my way home, I didn't know what to expect, all I could say was it was much easier than the mock tests, and considering my performance in the mocks, I felt I would get a pretty good percentile here too.

After a nap, as I was getting ready to start studying for my sem exam the next day, I received an sms from a friend saying that the answer key for CAT was out, and he wanted to know my score. I was in no mood to check my score, as I knew it would disturb my already premature prep for the exam tomo. But, when he said he was not clearing the expected cut offs, I felt I better check it out too.

Now, starting with quant, as I glanced through the first 5 questions,  4 right, 1 wrong; "OK, not bad I said to myself"

But, as I moved on, I could see the light dimming,  quant was a total disaster, verbal and di were fine, but quant!!!!! It cost me dearly, almost sure I wont clear its cutoff.

I made blunders, absolute blunders, howlers, clangers, goofs......

2+3=6;

ya, right if only money followed that law.

I knew it was game over, as darkness prevailed from every side, I knew I had messed up. I knew I could have easily cleared the expected IIM overall cutoffs. 

All my 95+ percentiles in the mock cats, flashed by my eyes, they were mocking me. I could see the headlines,

" Topped when it didn't matter

   Flopped in the important latter" 

From ace to disgrace.

I was in no mood to study for the exam the next day, I couldn't believe I was the victim. I always felt the Almighty would be on my side of the fence, I felt I was the lucky kid. The spoilt prince, and now I paid the price. My belief, that success can come without hard work seemed to shatter. I was at a severe loss of self confidence, my faith in myself shattered. 

Blunders which I had never committed earlier, had all appeared in a space of 20 mins, 

Goofs worth 20 years of my life rained down in 20 mins, and the stage was the most prestigious exam in the country.

On top of this, I receive msgs from friends saying,

"Whats up topper, CAT mein to phod ke aaya hunga, kitne IIM calls aare?"

I swear, if my phone wasn't worth 12k, I would have thrown it out the window.

A day of mixed emotions, fortunes. Now, I was beginning to wonder how I could save face. How do I answer the volleys of questions from college mates the next day. What do I say when the results come?

10:00 Pm

I still had not touched my books for the exam the next day. 

12 hours to go, and I had done 1 unit out of 5.

Since, my mind was not working ( it hardly does) I watched TV. Flipping through the channels, I came across cartoon network, "Yes, this should cheer me up" I thought.

Then, came "Tom & Jerry"

the cat chasing the mouse.

the CAT!! I quickly changed the channel, no more Tom and Jerry for me. I hate cats.

After somehow, cramming some topics, I attempted the exam the next day, and regardless of what question appeared I just wrote all I knew. It would have made no difference, even if I had  received a blank question paper. As it turns out, I wasn't off course by much, atleast I know I will pass.

But, the CAT blues still haunt me. I learnt that, the CAT is easy (as long as you know that 2+3=5) and stay away from blunders. I learnt that not everyone will be lucky. I learnt that man is mortal, I learnt that bad times come to make you wiser. (  naaah! )

After all I learnt, I didn't understand "Why ME?" 

Why did it have to be me. After all the excitement, I went down with a whimper.

I am not sorry, that I didn't prepare for CAT; there was nothing in the paper which needed preparation. I am just sad, I got negatives in questions which were easy.

I think, I have now developed Ailurophobia 

Only, a miracle can save me now. (I believe in miracles!! Inshallah, your wishes and prayers can make the difference) 

I find solace in the fact that, life in IIMs is about sleeping just 4 hours a day.

I sleep 4 hours a day

(and add 5 hours at night too).

Now, my career options are narrowing down. Think, there are about 2 left,

1. Drive an auto (refer blog 1)
2. Start a Kirana shop

I know, the Almighty has something better in store for me.

If you were patient enough to read this far, you may think I am an insane, worthless, retarded and ungrateful individual. 

I dont blame you.

Have I changed since, my last blog? (refer blog 2)

Yes, I have.

I have changed.....

I have become worse.

Dedicated to:-

• My friend Touseef who is expecting 99.7 %ile,  - on my trip to Makkah, I had prayed that the two of us could be together at an IIM. Turns out, you will have to go alone, sorry.

                   ~(p and q) = ~ p or ~q   its true 

• My friend Yash, who is going to Dreamworks Int'l. Dude, I  dream of working with you. Hope my dream,works out.
  
• My friends Vinay and Abhilash, I am with you guys.
• My friends Vivek and Suku, for calling me the next day.
• My brother who suddenly has a desire to keep a cat as a pet. Dont be surprised if it disappears the day you bring it.
• The paper setters of the MCS exam, "Thank you for adding the blues"
• The person who spilled tea over me, before the exam. 'You made sure the dark stains remain dude',
  
• To my friend Hussain, for calling me before the exam and asking me, "Kitna padhe, pura hogaya"
• To all my friends, for believing in me, 

but as Obama said, "Don't believe in my ability, but believe in yours"
And, as Mccain said "The defeat is mine, not yours"

• Specially dedicated to all CAT aspirants and my juniors; Success in cat has two secret mantras, these are things which nobody will teach you, so listen carefully. The two secret mantras are:-

1. Drink milk before you go for the exam and
   
2. Visit the toilet before the exam
   

(You might never read this post, it wasn't written to be published, just to vent my feelings; and the next time you meet me, try not to ask me about the cat.)