Chennai Crunch

Ok, Its been ages since I updated my blog (I know you people must have been happy, but now I am back to torment you; So pls bear with my nonsense)

I won't go much into details now, to save you the trouble I will only put forth the details of my last 48 hours. (Do I hear sighs of relief?...)

Now, I had been to Chennai, with my friends who were kind enough to come along with me. It also happened to be the first time I travelled by train.

We, were quite early to our coach, and the electricity supply hadn't been turned ON. So, as I was making my way through the dark, hot bogie, I told my friends

"Tum log train mein aajao. Mein kal 6am ki flight le letu"

Well, that was my first impression of the train. But, it changed as we started moving. Except maybe for a typical uncle, aunt family in our coach, things were good. And, if you have never been to train toilets, don't go. I took one look inside and came back running as if I had seen a ghost. Some calls can Naturally, wait.

Not surprisingly, I slept very well in the train ( I am a sound sleeper. My only fear was that I'd not wake up at the Chennai station, and maybe find myself back at Nampally).

Thankfully, that didnt happen, and we were at a lodge in Chennai by 7 am. After a hearty breakfast, I went to sleep; while my friends watched some movie on their laptop.

At 11am, I get a call from home, enquiring if I was ready, for my interview.

My interview???

I had an interview at 2pm; this was apparently the purpose of my trip. Assuring them that I was ready, I got into action.

Now, this was an interview which had close to 600 candidates appearing for around 60 general seats or so.

As I got to my interview centre, some 5-star hotel I had a few things in mind.

1) We were supposed to write some sort of essay on a topic I could barely understand. I had written nonsense (as those who read my blog will know that) and to top that my handwriting would register among the TIME list of all time people with the worst handwriting ever.

2) A questionnaire which had questions like, biggest risk ever, long term goals, etc etc.

My answers for the above were of course some nonsense stories.

I reached the center at 1:30 and roamed around the hotel. Met a few fellow interview aspirants. There were people with 2,3, and 6 years of workex. One of them, I don't recall the name ( I am very very poor at recollecting names) told me that he had 6 years of workex as a lawyer, another at a bank He asked me, and I said I am still studying. He looked at me with a grin that said

" Kaha aa gaye Beta"

I was the first to go post lunch. I sat in the longue, wating for my name to be called, wondering about my friends who were going to Marina Beach and I would be joining them soon.

"Ahmed"

I hear someone call and wake me from my day-dreams. He seemed a senior prof, as he ushered me in. I walk in, and the scenes unfold as follows:-

"Arrey O Samba...kitne aadmi the?

Teen Sarkar.

Aadmi teen, aur murga ek.

Bahut na-insaafi hai"

An adaptation from Sholay, (a film I never got to see till the end)

There were 3 panelists, P1, P2, P3

(Note:- The text in purple italics refers to what was going through my mind, black refers to what I said)

Me:- May I come in sir...

(all 3 in unison):- Yes, come in; close the door behind you

Me:- Good afternoon sirs

P1:- Good afternoon. Have a seat.

Me:-Thank you

P2:- Give me your file

(P1 was going through my acads background, P2 had my certificates, and my dreaded essay, P3 had my answers to the Questionnaire)

P1:- So, Ahmed you are from Hyderabad?

ab tum chichha, Hyd ke baare mein kya puchte ki. kuch bolke divert karenge inko

Me- Yes, sir. I was born and brought up in Saudi Arabia and have been in Hyderabad for the past 8 years.

P1:- Saudi Arabia???

Hehe, hau uncle, pucho saudi ke baare mein kuch bhi, culture, tradition, history, people, geography....kuch bhi

Me:- Yes, sir

P1:- ok, how is the current economin situtaion in Saudi?

Kya bole?? Economy??

Mazaakh karre?

Arey chachajaan, mein 3 hafte se Economic Times, padhru. Usme indian economy deta, saudi nahi. Jaa jaake ye kya puche

Me:- Well, sir Saudi Arabia is the largest exporter of oil today blah blah and ended by saying that at present, it has problems of inflation.

(I could have done more justice here, talked about the business generated there due to inflow of pilgrims, recession not an issue there cos of islamic banking and explained the same too with an example. That would have been brilliant. Anyways, a golden chance gone)

P1:- ok, so you are from Hyderabad, graduating in 2009.

Arey, ye kya tape atak gaya shahid.

Me:- Yes, sir

P1:- This Muuuuuuuuuuuffffffffffakham Jaaaaaaaaaah college

Izzat nikaal diye aap poori

Me:- It is Muffakham Jah sir, he was the grandson of the last Nizam of Hyd and blah blah

P1:- How good is your college

Hiccup!!! Ye ich tha bakhi. Ab sahi bolne ko baitho to phir mera interview yahi khatam ho jaata

Me:- Sir, it is one of the best engineering colleges in the city, blah blah blah

kaafi sharam aayi bolte waqt

P1:- Where is this college in Hyderabad

Me:- It is located at Banjara Hills sir

P1:- I have been there, but didn't know that there was an engineering college there

arey sir, aap hamare college ke beech mein se guzre to bhi aapko nahi malum hota yaha college hai bolke

I cast glances at P2 and P3. P2 was buried in my certificates.

Dekho dekho, kuch bhi nahi milta usme

P3 was reading my questionnaire answers, and I caught him looking at me through the corner of his eyes.

Pakdhe gaye

P1:- Are you doing a final year project?

Nahi, sir nahi karru. 2 mehne pehle, kuch abstract submit kare the bas, uske baad palathke bhi nahi dekha, bas topic yaad hai

Me:- Yes, sir we are working on blah blah blah

P1:- Do you have any IIM calls through CAT?

CAT ka naam liye to maar detu.

P1:- Have you been recruited in placements?

Me:- Yes, at blah blah

P1:- Very good, why don't you join them?

Ab tum select nahi kare to wo ich karna sonchru

Me:- said something about achieving my long term goals through blah blah blah blah

P1:- So, why mba for that

Arey choro na sir, mere ko kya malum, ghar pe mummy bhi ye hi puchte; aapka call letter aaya to mein aa gaya chennai, Marina Beach dekhne

Me: - More blah linking it to my long term goals

I don't think I convinced them as the three were only nodding their heads like puppets. (No strings attached)

P1:- So, what is your blueprint on your plans?

blueprint?? blueprint nahi, whiteprint hai; paper khaali blank hai; kaika print. Ab mere pe footprints padhne wale hai

Me:- Some blah blah

P1:- What is your view on the reservation issue?

abba, ab yaha kaha aagaya ine. About turn

Me:- Sir, nowadays the resevation system is being exploited by blah blah,....... if the person really deserves it, the govt whould help him out

P1:- Why are scheduled tribes called scheduled tribes?

say what??? say what??? nikal gayi hawa; mere ko kya mlaum; chalo Ahmed beta, apna favorite answer bolne ka time aagaya

Me:-I am sorry, I don't know

P1:- Do you know Mr. Balaxxxxxxxx ( dnt remember the name)

Achha, kaun aapke susre the kya? chalo phir favorite answer bolna hai

Me:- I am sorry, I don't know

P1:- What is the capital of Uttaranchal?

aap uttarpradesh to bhi puchna tha; uttaranchal ka uttar kuch hai.. kuch hai

haan yaad aaya; but before I could say Dehradun; my tongue was already halfway through my favorite answer

Me:- I am sorry, I don't know

Saale maar diya,

Dehradun, brings me doom

P1:- Tell me about the scenario in A.P. politics

mein mba college ko apply kara shahid, to mein pass out hue baad politician banne waala hun kya? ye sab kya puchre

Me:- There is a three way power struggle now, blah blah blah

P1 says to P2 "any questions"

P1 ko bas ho gaya shahid, ab mere ko bahar phekna chahra; so jao uncle ab aap. Ab P2 smart dikhra, achha puchta hunga kuch football, ipl, F1 ke baare mein.

P2:- "So, you are from electronics and communication background?"

Mummmmy, bachaaaao. Dial 911, 108. Ye kya ho gaya. P1 wale uncle aap ich achhe the; nahi mere ko kuch bhi nahi malum ECE ka, mat pucho..... mein jaaru; meri file dedo mere ko

P2:- Tell me the difference between TCP/IP and OSI

kya pucha bhai ine, kahi sune waisa hai, sonch Ahmed sonch. Slumdog Millionaire style sonch, flashback. Haan, CAT ke dusre din ke exam mein yahi tha

Me:- Sir, TCP/IP has 5 layers, whereas OSI has 7 layers.

bas itna hi malum; aage kuch boldo

the 7 layers are blah blah blah.

P2 looks at me with a quizzing look

Uncle, mere ko malum mein sab sahi bola; bas aap aage mat pucho; isse badhe kuch bhi nahi malum mere ko

P2:- which is used today

Me:- TCP/IP

P2:- was OSI used in the internet earlier

chalo ho gaya ab; meri file dedo; jaaru mein; Marina Beach kaisa jaana yaha se

Me:- I am not really sure

P3:- How many films of Karan Johar have you watched?

dhat teri ki! kaha se kaha jaare. khair, ece ke alaawa kuch bhi pucho

Me:- Sir, I have watched two of his films, blah blah

P3:- What do his films convey?

har film mein srk rehna bas; yehi hai message

Me:- blah blah

P3:- Tell me about Amitabh Bachhan

Ye kya hora yaha, ab Danny Denzogpa bhi puchna tha aap

Me:- blah blah

P2:- Do you know he once contested for elections

Achha, how nice! thank you. aur kya bolte aap uske baare mein

Me:- I am not sure, where he contested from.

P2:- You stay at Masab Tank, there is a flyover there. People say that it was built at the cost of Andhra Pradesh. What do you say?

Aap mere se baat karre? Hello. Kya hai khissa!! Nahi nahi rehtu mein Masab Tank pe. Old City pe Charminar hai, uske baare mein malum.

Me:- Well, sir Mr Naidu was the CM at the time the bridge was built and he paid more attention to the urban areas, Hyderabad in particular at the expense of the rural areas.

P3:- Your parents are doctors, why didn't you become one?

Ab tum yaha select nahi kare to mein bhi doctor ich banjaana sonchru

Me:- blah blah

P1 and P3:- Thank you

P2:- I will ask a question in maths

Kya bachhe ki jaan lete. Pehle tum kya ki puchre. Tumhare doston ka peth bhar gaya, tumhare ko kya hona abhi

P2:- I travel with an avg speed of 20 ms. With what speed shall I return so that my average spped is 40 ms

Kya jaal bhichaare aap. Machli pakadhne ke naye tareekhe

Me:- 60 ms

P2:- Sure?

Andar se phoot phoot ke hansra; kuch to golmaal ho gaya;

Me:- It depends on the distances in question also, sir

P2:- Ok, thank you. Nice talking to you.

Ab mein jaate hi sab laut laut ke hanso tum log. Bachhe ki jaan leke mazaa aaya hunga

Me:-Thank you sirs.

Ye Mariana Beach kaisa jaana yaha se

I step out.

So, that was it.

Zero- The no. of questions asked about my hobbies

Zero- The no. of questions asked on football.

Zero- The no. of questions asked on F1.

Zero- The no. of questions asked on IPL

Zero- The no. of questions asked about the Middle East.

Three- The no. of questions asked on acads

Four- The no. of times I said I don't know

I wished my fellow competitors the best and left. I was called in for the interview at 2:20, was out by 2:40 and was at the Mariana Beach at 3:00 with my file and in formals, to catch up with my friends. Call it round 2 of the interview.

After mindless monkeying in the water, we lost track of the time. Someone noticed it, at 5 pm, and we had a train to catch at 6:10. We rushed to our hotel, cleaned up, packed and out. What next?

Ask the people at Chennai Central Railway Station. They will say they noticed 3 idiots running with bags all the way from the main road to the train. Fortunately, we didn't have to do anything DDLJ style.

So, back in Hyd now after a pretty nice trip, except maybe for the 20 mins in the interview room. One other thing, the autowallahs at Chennai will fleece you if you don't speak Tamil. One differnce between them and threir Hyderabadi counterparts, is that the Hyd'badis live up to the Nawab tag. They speed away if they don't want to go where you want to go, whereas the Chennai ones, don't speed away. They smile their sweetest smile and demand your life savings. So, who is better?

How was my interview?

I leave that for you to decide.....

Dedicated to

1) My friends who accompanied me to Chennai. Hope your efforts don't go in vain. (matlab start praying for a miracle)

2) The lodge owner at Chennai, who will have a tough time cleaning up the mess we made.

3) The interview panel ( I guess)

4) All those who will be attending interviews in the future. Hope, you learnt what not to do after reading this

(for those of you who were bored, you should be glad cos I am done and won't post for a few weeks now)

(if you made it this far, put in your comments)